TRIANGLE:
Watching Tracee Parker from Safe Haven speak it did not take long to be astonished by the statistics she spoke of. The first fact that I could not believe was that 3 to 7 million children are exposed to domestic violence every year, with that overlapping an additional 30 to 70 percent of them being victims of child abuse. While we all know that this is something that exists to hear and read the actual statistics is heart wrenching.
Next and even more difficult is to read or hear of what this is doing to these children’s lives. Women that are victims of domestic violence usually live their lives in confinement, held back from friends and family. This same pattern is usually repeated in the children; many will not have friends over or begin relationships that will include people coming into their family home. Not only are these children scared of what their friends may witness, but are embarrassed to admit the lives that they behind closed doors.
All of this pain and embarrassment leads to children that live in what Tracee Parker states as “fight or flight”. Many times children of domestic violence do not know what they should do, they will attempt to calm dad before he blows up, hide themselves and their siblings from the violence, and in many cases the older sibling becomes the caretaker of the siblings, protecting them from violence by taking it on themselves.
SQUARE
The biggest point that squared with me was the excuses or ‘crazy making’ that the perpetrator the violence uses in order to justify their actions. In many cases the abuser will deny or distort what has taken place, telling others that they did not really see what took place, or that they did not see the reason for the abuse. They blame shift, and tell even children that they are the reasons the abuse occurred, and in some cases try to justify why violence was needed in order for the other to learn. This distorted way of justifying the abuse confuses children, makes them doubt themselves, and in some cases maybe even doubt the reality that they do live in. All of this makes it very difficult for these children to grow up and live productive and healthy lives. It is sickening to think of what these poor children live through, and what it turns them into in the long run.
CIRLCE
Action that is being taken in order to help children, protect them and educate them is something worth circling. Tracee Parker shared her ideas on how you can develop a safety plan to help develop the child’s strength, ability to find help, maybe even just a place they can go in order to receive positive reassurance, not of what happened but of who they are. It is very important that these children grow knowing that this abuse is not their fault, and they know the resources around them that can help them. It is important that while they know what is taking place in their home, that they still find a safe place that they can develop correctly and learn the differences between wrong and right, good and bad. Safe Haven was an excellent example of a place that people can go; Tracee is an amazing women who wants to make sure every child has a safety plan and that they have every opportunity to grow and develop normally.
Fusco, R. A., & Fantuzzo, J. W. (2009). Domestic violence crimes and children: A population-based investigation of direct sensory exposure and the nature of involvement. Children and Youth Services Review, 31(2), 249-256.
University of Wisconsin series on Issues for Youth Advocates and the Systems in which They Work (Producer). (2009, March 30) The Impact of Domestic Violence on Youth
[Online video]. Retrieved July 26, 2010 from http://www.researchchannel.org/prog/displayevent.aspx?rID=29215&fID=345
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